Words From The Confused

dreams

2011-01-20T04:49:00.001-08:00

I had this dream where dating services had become alive. And there were a lot of them. And I was being shuttled through them, jerked around like each was a professional boxer. They threw me through real life simulations that were exciting, terrifying, nerve racking, and only once calming.

I think this whole setting my alarm 5x between 5:30 and 6:00 is seriously cutting into my REM sleep. whatever.

Okay, people. I'm doing real life stuff again.

new year

2011-01-01T04:55:00.001-08:00

I know I'm a success when I can still pull an all-nighter. Don't worry, Camus, not everyone sleeps at 4 in the morning.

Important

2010-12-20T07:35:00.000-08:00

I've been able to keep up with my cult studies blog pretty well. Obviously a success.

I need to shave.
There are too many cute Christian guys. Spread more moral relativism!

that's all.

!

2010-12-19T09:16:00.001-08:00

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I have completed BIOL2002. I know, some of you may have doubted me at times. I doubted myself multiple times. I'd like to thank the Academy.

That is all.

This also means I'm reactivating Facebook.

Enjoy this music.

Postsecret

2010-12-19T07:41:00.001-08:00

-Postsecret

Funnehz

2010-12-18T17:04:00.001-08:00

In light of the recent vote by the Senate to repeal DADT, here's a hilarious editorial!!

DADT gone

2010-12-18T13:02:00.000-08:00

Should all else have failed today, at least DADT was repealed.

Big day tomorrow

2010-12-17T14:08:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow morning the vote will happen on the possible retiring of DADT. I take my LRQ final, and finish out chemistry, and finish my other bio finals.

Important. Possible that in 24 hours, we live in a "post DADT world"?

30rock

2010-12-17T11:08:00.000-08:00

"And how's the sex?"

"Fast. And only on Saturdays. It's perfect."

Exams

2010-12-16T22:07:00.001-08:00

Status:

2/4 biology exams completed.
German is done
Cultural studies blog post by saturday night and exam on Tuesday.
Chem exam on Saturday
Move on Tuesday

This semester really never had any slow parts. It was probably due to BIOL2002's workload. It feels like it flew past me. Summer feels so long ago!

I've made some top notch friends, had a lot of good times, and definitely grew and matured in a lot of ways. I feel like I have an infinite multitude of new perspectives on life. Ms Frizzle/Frazzle leaves in January. I'm surely going to miss her smile, her radiating warmth and happiness, and her inspirational conversations, but I'm even more excited to know that she's going to go to a new place. I'm incredibly happy for her, and I can't wait to hear about her trip while she's there.

I learned a lot about working in groups, or rather, working with groups. I learned how to be excited about the simple things in life, thanks to this one amazing guy I know. We surely have different worldviews, but somehow it works out. He taught me how to laugh again, and he showed me a whole new kind of love, a kind I thought I already knew.

My spaghetti skills certainly expanded. The repetoire is rather large. I also learned a thing or two about eggs, and chicken. I tried out a lot of new coffees, and began dabbling in tea. I learned how not to take photos. I learned how to dance by myself. I learned how to manage multiple bills, and how to stretch my dollar. I learned that water doesn't boil if you don't turn the stovetop on!

I learned to listen to my sister when branching out in life. I learned to listen to my dad when trying to do too much. I learned how to do too much. I learned how to produce a quantity of knowledge I never knew existed. I learned how to love remixs, and I learned how to hate dubstep.

I learned how to write bad music. I learned how to understand the superstructure of culture; also, how to be a good communist. I learned how to read and write. I learned how to listen to Brahms, how to read Wilde, how to read Camus, and how to listen to Wicked too often. I found out how to spend countless hours talking with a best friend I almost never see. I learned that some best friends will always be your best friend, even if you can't communicate. I learned how to spend too much time with Facebook, and how to get away. I discovered the pleasure of experiencing the unobserved life.

I learned how to blog. I learned how to read scientific articles. I learned how to write scientifically, how to ask critical questions, and how to retain knowledge by caring. I learned how to visualize, before my eyes, the central dogma of microbiology.

I learned that a night of Starbucks and 4 hours of molecular biology is tough, but I love it.

I learned, the hard way, how to facilitate a coming out group. I learned how to be humble, how to know my limitations. I learned how to mix gin and tonic. I experienced new wines. I learned that hot chocolate and peppermint schnapps can take you too far too quickly. I learned that twin beds are not made for two. I discovered the diversity of the hot dish.

I learned how to deal with Minneapolis snowstorms. I experienced my first Gopher game.

I was mugged for the first time, and learned fear.

I explored myself by exploring my world, and I came back happy, passionate, and in love.

All of this is only a fraction of what I discovered, learned, and experienced this semester. I'm thankful for the pains, the pleasures, the journeys, and the experiences. I can only hope to do this all over again with all of you next semester!

Some links

2010-12-16T06:59:00.000-08:00

PZ Myers doesn't like bad religion, or bad movies.

Speaking of bad religion....

80beats looks at HIV treatment

My friend Andy is doing some time working as a Jesuit brother over in South Africa. He's a good person (great, actually), I swear.

This cat don't care.

Tarini posts music-y things

Freedom of Speech

2010-12-14T13:32:00.001-08:00

I don't have a lot of opinions about Wikileaks. But I do know that it would be wrong to ban a website.

We continuously throw critique at China for doing just that. Just because the government doesn't like something doesn't mean it has the right to shut it down. Wikileaks is not organizing any crime to harm people. They are not actively promoting hate speech.

They do not have forums discussing the best way to construct an IED. They are not discussing wiping out entire ethnicities or creeds.

It is only information. Wikileaks functions only as a support. Period.

Again, I don't have a lot of opinions. But I do know this. The government serves me. I elect the officials. If we want to be better than other countries, we ought to have a fair degree of transparency in government, much more than there is. Will there be secrets? yes.

Can you punish the people that leak them? Maybe.

Firstly, Assange isn't an American citizen. So we can't hang the guy for treason. Sorry Palin!

Secondly, I'm debating whether the government gets to make the call on whether this is right or wrong. Of course the government is going to say it's wrong. But it's us that get to decide the worth and value of Wikileaks. It's happened. Period. We get a chance to judge our government with less ambiguity than before. The people have the power.

For some reason, the right has an issue with this?!

Of course, because behind the scenes, they're probably the most nefarious. But that's just my opinion.

Gasp!

2010-12-13T17:57:00.001-08:00

Sometimes, a photo makes me gasp.

There's something to be said about beauty that smacks you in the face. Normally we understand the beauty of Beethoven's 7th after being immersed in it.

But sometimes, it's just there. And it's that simple.

You probably won't gasp. But I did. I'm rather weak. Soooo, that's probably why.

http://www.outdoor-photos.com/photo/53859.html

I imagine it has something to do with being able to instantly remind me of my absolute favorite days ever.

Links

2010-12-12T08:48:00.000-08:00

PZ takes a look at how baby mice with two daddies were produced.

Gold is from Pluto.

Whales eat A LOT.

Khan is ready for white supremacy to be done.

Postsecret:

2010-12-11T20:41:00.001-08:00

PS:

"I wonder what they'd do if they knew their Fellowship of Christian Athletes President is gay.

Because I am"

German

2010-12-10T05:28:00.000-08:00

I have the first third of my german proficiency exam today. Yay!

More Deutsch immer!

This wins

2010-12-10T05:25:00.000-08:00

I love SMBC

2010-12-09T07:00:00.000-08:00

This sums up my existence pretty well.

Hey! (+yays)

2010-12-08T22:35:00.001-08:00

I think Dan is hinting at my rushed style when I read some Science articles.

It's okay. I can handle it. It's called Words From The Confused anyways.

Accomplishments:

worse grade on a midterm
wrote more music for my honors project
studied german for the first time in college
finished bio poster
watched an awesome movie
ate some noodles

Gearing up for finals. The air is super-saturated with high tensions and looming doom, gloom, and the anticipation for the finish line, which, I think, is what really drives us. We tell us it's the grades, but really, when you work harder, the times flies faster. It's absurd, but logging in more hours plugging away at your chem book, or losing yourself in your sheet music, or visualizing data for hours, is all driven by the horizon of winter break, love, delicious coffee, and the winter wonderland.

No end in sight yet for my facebook reprieve.

Dear Dan,

Please write some extremist blog posts. I would love it, and um, the rest of us would too.

-Ambiguous follower.

In other news, it's about bed time. I've fallen behind on The Plague though.

I still have to buy christmas presents. Am I allowed to do that post-christmas?

In other news, my average bedtime has been going later and later.

In other news, I'm now a tea whore.

Now, for something completely different.

Imagine Pearl Harbor

2010-12-08T21:37:00.000-08:00

This year I ended up hearing one little segment on the radio about pearl harbor (in addition to a text from a lovely friend!).

But I've heard A LOT about John Lennon today.

May the long-haired hippie rest in peace.

More about the same guy...

2010-12-08T07:11:00.000-08:00

I tend to link to Razib Khan a lot, the guy who writes up Gene Expression over at Scienceblogs. Razib is a very insightful fellow, and I wanted to kick off a series on the importance of the humanities by mentioning him.

Khan has a background in biology and biochemistry. He blogs about genetics research--usually human genetics. His posts tend to be interlaced with references to history and the affect of certain sociopolitical movements on humanity.

He doesn't do this because it's interesting to him, but these movements in history (he refers a lot to Roman expansionism) are crucial to understanding the moving around of alleles in the human population. This is an awesome marriage of biology and history (something that's a little more natural than non-bio majors think).

He refers always to good books and good articles, such as this one: The Truth Wears Off. It's almost an expose` on science, but it's very good and it highlights some important things to think about with the philosophy of science.

Why the West Rules is definitely on my reading list--simply because Khan recommends it. I know that's sort of a weak statement.

To sum up real quick because I have a chem test to study for--the arts and humanities are important. They affect us and shape us in real ways, and there are ways for us to profit and be innovative with them just like with science.

New SMBC comic HITS THE MARK

2010-12-07T11:02:00.001-08:00

Like, surprisingly well.

Even has an opinion on premed students. This is one of them.

I'm good friends with two premeds, and I'm glad to say they easily transcend the stereotype and strive for personal achievement and the progression of social wellbeing.

As for the rest, well, I'd drink with them if I knew they wouldn't be cutting my liver out in a year or so.

Writing

2010-12-07T10:58:00.000-08:00

When I write a lot with a pen or pencil, I end up with this little indent on my middle finger, just at the top and on the left (when looking at the top of your palm).

After my HSCI final, that indent was actually causing me physical pain.

But it's like this little badge of pride.

"Yes, I just wrote a master thesis with a pencil in 90 minutes. And you?"

Acid-Base

2010-12-06T17:51:00.001-08:00

I didn't think it would take me too long to relearn Acid-base titrations for the few questions that would be on my 3rd midterm.

Of course, I wasn't counting on me being a dumbass.

Ummmm, this is racist

2010-12-05T13:07:00.000-08:00

Save the Children is a non-profit organization. Cool. Usually these guys are doing work like, saving children and shit. Right?

NPOs also tend to make some of the coolest ads. Especially cool if you're white and upper class. CHECK IT:

http://www.mymodernmet.com/profiles/blogs/powerful-ads-lottery-of-life-4

Granted, almost anything is better than hunger, starvation, and warfare. But all of the alternatives are :

White
Heteronormative
Upper Class
American

It works because it's not only appealing to our selfish view of us as being the best, but it also pins us as being in touch with nature, a good job tying in white heteronormativity with Rousseau-ian like Romanticism.

It also operates under the assumption that we have an ideal life. People aren't just barely making it by on slave wages from Walmart. We don't deal with any racism or sexism.

But we do, and this is the perfect example of us trying to legitimize our higher level in global society by ignoring what we do have wrong. In fact, it's the blind eye we turn towards our problems that is characteristic of so many politicians that avoids pragmatic solutions towards helping our nation.

Did you know its a common perception that most americans think the US gov't spends around 30% of the budget on foreign aid. They think it should be about half that.

We actually spend only 0.6% of our budget on federal aid.

There's a lot of cultural paradoxes and conflicts going on here.

(I just noticed that is a co.uk organization)

Doesn't change my response that much.

PS:

2010-12-04T22:35:00.001-08:00

"each episode he helps me realize that it's okay to be me"

Arsenic, Culture, and other Follys

2010-12-03T13:07:00.000-08:00

Razib Khan from Gene Expression has a good post on science journalism and the new organism that substitutes P with As. Clearly the topics of the week.

Irrelevant lecture is irrelevant

2010-12-03T13:03:00.001-08:00

I came with my computer to chemistry to work on my bio poster.

All I ended up doing was reading a high quality Oatmeal post.

Lesson Learned: logs are solved by a calculator, not genchem2 students.

Irony

2010-12-02T21:21:00.000-08:00

If there's one thing almost no one shows a gentle indifference to, it's irony. We could debate over what it is, but regardless, no one wants their actions to be called ironic. But the fact is, anytime you make a comment about culture, cultural processes, or semantics, you're bound to get the ironic label slapped onto you.

Now, no one did it directly to me. I more or less realized it about three seconds after hitting "post".

The fact is, in my last post that involved commentary on scientific reporting, I took the short road and went into a rant. I realized afterwards my rant was being misinterpreted. My whole complex about defending my actions sort of went underway, as some of you probably noted. It was because in my critique of science journalism not carefully picking it's words and phrases, I had basically gone and done the same thing. In fact, I do this in almost every post (generally unintentional). My blog title is the biggest and most concise title I could ever claim for myself.

To be clear: science journalism needs to pick it's words correctly and offer up clear explanations for the study it's summarizing. It's good style in any form of science journalism, journalism, or writing in period, to be sure that your reader is understanding you perfectly, and won't be walking away with unintended implications from your rhetoric.

Of course, sometimes we purposefully construct our phrases so our readers do go off with implicit meanings. In 6th grade, when I was formally taught what propaganda was, the first example my english teacher used was Operation Iraqi Freedom. It really is perfect, because that is a phrase that, after you dissect it and lay all of it's dirty parts on the operating title, is mostly composed of implicit meanings.

The danger of implicit meanings is that they are directly related with common sense. Common sense is something that is clearly generally not given to us explicitly. We are not told to walk when we go from place to place, it is implied that running would be foolish. But as evidenced, lecture after lecture in my cultural studies class, common sense is a crucial part of understanding a person.

The only thing common about common sense is that it's unwritten.

Sometimes.

Beginner textbooks have to be chosen carefully. Textbooks create a very powerful relationship between the author of the textbook, the individual(s) who bought it, the teacher, the person who reads it, a student in the class, and the entire class. Beginner textbooks all take one assumption: that you don't know anything. Everything is explained to you slowly, clearly, and in multiple forms. They'll give you multiple drawings and multiple descriptions of processes. The fact is, they're making arguments, and because it's under the veil of a beginning textbook, the information involved is often not question.

In fact, it's difficult to question. If you disagree with a textbook, you are punished. You get questions wrong, and this returns a poor grade. This is one of the most simple examples of cultural capital. Just like in any other economic scenario, cultural capital refers to capital that an individual has. Value is assigned through exchange, use, and just simple value. It is assessed by an owner, a buyer, and an audience.

If I see that you have movie posters in your room of Little Miss Sunshine, the score to Beethoven's 7th, and books from writers like Camus, Sagan, Austen, and the like, you are going to have seriously wealthy cultural capital, from my point of view. Likewise, if you're apartment smells like shit, you play Muse, Twilight is on the TV, you're discussing Japanese anime`, and you've got that stupid ID Panda book sitting on your desk, your cultural capital is shit to me.

Cultural capital has a serious implication in constructing power dynamics, as cultural capital is often agreed upon by different groups and audiences. As such, if you disagree with the textbook, your cultural capital is going to fall in the eyes of a lot of people. Specifically, the people who have power over you. This allows them to draw that power dynamic further by giving you a bad grade. They have this power in the first place because they're the ones buying lunch. They're the ones funding the Discovery Institute. They're the ones funding CNN, or Fox, or Disney. They're the backbone of Walmart, Target, Starbucks, and Kinkos. Money clearly has a strong determination in what becomes valuable cultural capital, but there are other factors.

But, back to common sense. If science journalism writes vaguely, we will begin to create new ways of thinking that develop into common sense. Like in natural selection, there is no one science journalist who is writing these articles, and there is no one reader who is being incorrectly affected. This is happening in populations, and it's the effect of cultural rhetoric and forces like natural selection on cultural capital that affect the shape and speed of cultural and power evolution.

Now, I know I've dropped a lot here. I wanted to be sure that I wasn't just writing to cover my back, but to show why it's important to only call birds homosexual, and to clarify what kind of behavior they exhibit that determines that label. Gay is a new label. It encompasses a lot of things, homosexual behavior being only a small root of them.

My cultural studies TA always, always, always asks us, when looking at a cultural text (movie, book, article, song, etc etc etc)

What is this person arguing?
How are they doing it?
Why does it matter?

Believe it or not, these questions are relatively easy to dissect, and they always lead to profound understandings of cultural relationships.

But sometimes I can't help but asking

4. Are they intending to argue this?

How can we determine that? How can we know if implicit meanings are intentional?

How can I know if Barack Obama is a muslim if he doesn't just outrightly declare it! Dammit Barack, you're allowing the Tea Party to draw dangerous conclusions from your SILENCE.

ugh, i'm so sick of politicians.

Science writers always fuck up sexuality

2010-12-01T19:14:00.000-08:00

It's just true.

80beats reported a study done in south Florida on white ibises. It caught my eye because it had to do with the effect of methylmercury on organisms, a topic I'm currently using to develop a research idea in my bio foundations class.

They titled it, "Mercury Pollution Can Make Male Birds Homosexual"

Okay, that probably caught my eye as well. But there's a lot of issues, and these are very common in news reporting on biologic studies on the sexual behavior of organisms.

1.) First off, they only used 160 birds. Total. They split those birds up among 4 control groups. I don't know much about statistics, but that doesn't seem like a lot. It seems like it's going to create a lot of error, and to be fair, I haven't read the article. But that's not why I'm here writing about this. It's about science journalism.

2.) The study did not conclude that mercury causes homosexuality. Sure, the title hints at that with "can", but when you say can, it carries a connotation that it will if it's there. "Can" and "May" are two very close words, but anyone who had an elementary school teacher look at them and say

"I know you can go to the bathroom."

when asked "Can I go to the bathroom?" It's proper to say "May I?" Teachers don't fuss over this because their anal assholes. It's because they want students to understand early the difference two close words can have if you choose one over the other.

3.) When you title your article that way, your asking for sensational comments. Period. Your opening the door for people to draw inferences on the cause of sexuality on humans, and that leads to potential ammunition against queers. Trust me, the last thing I need is some asshole saying I'm gay only because I might have ate some mercury as a child.

4.) This is probably the most important: birds are not gay.

Do you understand?

Birds are not gay.

I know, the title says "homosexual".

But birds aren't gay. Let me show you why:

Birds exposed to any mercury displayed courtship behaviour less often than controls and were also less likely to be approached by females when they did. As the level of mercury exposure increased, so did the degree and persistence of homosexual pairing. Males that engaged in homosexual parings were also less likely to switch partners from year to year, which Frederick says ibises tend to do if they have been unsuccessful in mating during their first breeding season. (Nature)

(A quick sidenote, the title from Nature is even worse: "Mercury Causes Homosexuality in Male Ibises)

Look. Homosexuality in humans involves more than just rejection by females. And this is only courtship behavior. Last time I checked that's called a man-date, which tends to be a very heterosexual thing (in humans).

5.) I'm too angry about this, because people always screw it up. And I know I'm pretty much just in rant mode here. So I'm just going to post this comment. Because it's funnnnehz.

Mercury rectal thermometers. Now it all makes sense.

The lesson learned is to not talk about birds in the same connotation and understanding as human sexuality. Period.

winterland

2010-11-30T21:56:00.000-08:00

when a rap artist creates tundra, you have to listen. you have to.

Marx!

2010-11-29T21:42:00.000-08:00

Marx has important things to say concerning wages:

An appreciable rise in wages presupposes a rapid growth of productive capital. Rapid growth of productive capital calls forth just as rapid a growth of wealth, of luxury, of social needs and social pleasures. Therefore, although the pleasures of the labourer have increased, the social gratification which they afford has fallen in comparison with the increased pleasures of the capitalist, which are inaccessible to the worker, in comparison with the stage of development of society in general. Our wants and pleasures have their origin in society; we therefore measure them in relation to society; we do not measure them in relation to the objects which serve for their gratification. Since they are of a social nature, they are of a relative nature.

But wages are not at all determined merely by the sum of commodities for which they may be exchanged. Other factors enter into the problem. What the workers directly receive for their labour-power is a certain sum of money. Are wages determined merely by this money price?

In the 16th century, the gold and silver circulation in Europe increased in consequence of the discovery of richer and more easily worked mines in America. The value of gold and silver, therefore, fell in relation to other commodities. The workers received the same amount of coined silver for their labour-power as before. The money price of their work remained the same, and yet their wages had fallen, for in exchange for the same amount of silver they obtained a smaller amount of other commodities. This was one of the circumstances which furthered the growth of capital, the rise of the bourgeoisie, in the 18th century."

Myspace

2010-11-29T16:26:00.000-08:00

There used to be a rule about myspace that my friends would often recite.

If you can remember well, myspace ruled before facebook opened it's doors gradually to the public. There was something like notifications on myspace, but they certianly weren't as encompassing as facebooks. And myspace wasn't set up as a platform--you had to hit "refresh" to see if you had notifications.

The rule? In order to get notifications, you gotta myspace.

It's a normal social networking rule. To get contacts, you gotta network. To get networking, you gotta get networking.

I feed off of comments like physics students feed off of little green checkmarks. And you think I would comment more often on others blogs.

At any rate, a certain Englishman snarkily noted that I only post links because I don't have a facebook at the moment.

All I can say: "touche`"

That, and one more link:

Creepiest thing you'll see today.

English

2010-11-28T20:00:00.000-08:00

To be certain, my favorite class my senior year was AP English. I have no doubts. Music Theory was pretty fun, and so was my creative writing independent study. My senior year was largely independent--I barely spent any time in traditional classroom settings.

But I did in AP English. All of our papers were scored out of 10. The highest you could ever receive was a 9. Looking back, I feel slightly better about my time in AP English, knowing my hard work showed in the consecutive 9's I see collected in my binder. I travel from my first essay "Jane Eyre: Independent Woman Part 1" to my timed writings for The Awakening and The Heart of Darkness, both of which I received 99% on.

During my timed writing, I wrote about Frankenstein's monster. I called it the incarnate beast of Frankenstein's lack of humanity. I meant it, as provided by the essay's context, in the sense that Frankenstein locked himself up. He became completely consumed with his work, and the deaths of his family and friends at the hand of his monster is the result of his shutting-up.

My teacher liked it, and she called it an "out-of-the-box" analysis, which even then I knew was a translation for: "Ummm. Okayyyyy. Well, that's interesting. Um, you backed it up. I guess. Good job".

Sometimes I worry that something is taking up too much of my attention. To the extent that it's hurting the rest. Frankly (pun intended, only for Michelle), the best thing to do is probably just rip it's head off.

Frankenstein never ripped his monster's head off, but I can at least deactivate Facebook.

Quotes from the bus:

"He said I would have to leave when the alcohol came out though. They're staying at the Sheraton. It's because I'm under 18."

"Oh, well, you'll be perfectly fine if you just don't touch alcohol."

"Oh....... .............. .............. Well, I don't think that'll be a problem."

"Oh, of course not. Most 18-20 year old's would have great difficulty doing that, but not you. You're an 'aishan'."

I swear he said Aishan. I have no idea what that is. But they were super pale, and wore fur scarves. I suspect a plot for the NWO, but I'm sure it's less nefarious.

The pope is an idiot

2010-11-24T07:35:00.000-08:00

I'm not even going to bother linking this. It's been in and out of the news.

Basically, the pope says it's probably okay for the guys and ladies to use condoms maybe sometimes.

There's a lot of "kind-of" words used, and they hint at it probably only being okay in at-risk for HIV areas.

Regardless this is a big turnaround for the Vatican. They've been against any kind of birth control for a while. I think it's because they still live in Medieval ages or something (their logic, not mine). I wonder if they're against pulling out?

I used to be a Catholic. Technically, I'll always be a Catholic. Catholics believe the pope represents the divine presence.

No, I'm serious here. That's probably something I would make jokes about when pointing towards cults or Sarah Palin, but this f'real f'real. And I know you guys know that.

But seriously Catholic Church. Take a long hard look at how the Church has evolved over history. Haven't you figured out that some of your dogma is seriously screwed up?

The pope takes the cake because he's deluded enough to go WITH that idea. He actually believes he's representing the Big Guy in the Attic.

The moral is that I wish the Catholic Church would go away, but most of the Catholic charities can stay. They actually do pretty well, at least, the non-proselytizing ones.

The fight continues...

2010-11-22T18:22:00.000-08:00

My cultural studies blog is winning. By the time this semester is done, I will have blogged probably more than what I have in my entire life.

Because of competition.

Today I got skip chem lab because it's make-up week. In that vein, I decided to make up all the hours I'm missing over Thanksgiving break by going to work.

That's all.

And I'm sick of going to the metro transit website. It's so WHITE and HAPPY. And everyone knows that is not a typical metro transit experience.

Manpillow

2010-11-20T06:08:00.000-08:00

"So, what's your man pillow look like?"

"Daniel Craig. It's um... for my lower back"

Drawing

2010-11-19T20:21:00.001-08:00

Some days I pretend to like art.

http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/11/18/the-chain-of-energy/?hp

thats all.

in other news. absorbance seems to be the word on my mind.

Bad Science

2010-11-18T07:16:00.000-08:00

Bad Science! Bad! go back in your room and don't come out until you've cleaned yourself up!

If you have CAJONES of steel, try taking this survey without

rolling your eyes
smashing your head
breaking your window
holding McDonalds workers hostage

it may be difficult.

http://www.prayerinmedicine.com/home

Westbound

2010-11-17T19:46:00.000-08:00

If that's really, truly how you want to represent yourself, then so be it. While our view on truth might be model-dependant, and a concept we will never be able to fully unravel, there is that which we can point to and call it untrue. What you are is untrue.

What you need to know, is that we are everywhere. We bag your groceries. We are the people who wait at the bus stop with you. We check out your books at the library. We teach your children. We discover new cures.

We are everywhere. More than you know. We are queer. And you'll never know. You'll never be able to know.

In other news, every time I hit westbound on MetroTransit, I always feel a little excited.

progress

2010-11-17T12:27:00.001-08:00

I fight for more marriage equality

even if i don't want to get married

I fight for repeal of DADT

even if I don't know want to join the military

I fight bullying

because I don't want to die a sad death

2010-11-17T05:09:00.000-08:00

Things I'm learning from my cultural studies peers:

-You can only be happy through success, which comes from money, which comes from hard work and diligence. I can only wish I had been born into a family that boatloads of money so I could emerge from college and have people say I'm successful.

-The people with the money know what to do with it. Income inequality exists because the rich recognize that the poor are just too lazy. They clearly don't deserve higher incomes.

-If you're anti-union, you should talk about how people who do the most work should get paid the most. This is a simple concept to follow up with, and clearly means workers who mine coal, drill oil, or anything similar will be the richest.

-Unions had a purpose, but people don't actually have those problems anymore. Everyone is safe at their job, and everyone has things like health insurance and enough money to feed their kids.

-Ultimately, we should leave the free market alone. Those in charge--those with the money--know how to handle things. Clearly they have money because those individuals specifically did all the hard work to get there. You can't make money from money!

Critique your nation. Critique population distribution. Critique the nature of work. You are not your fucking khakis. You are what you build. You are what you establish. You are what you produce.

You are not the button you push every week. You are not the bags you fill with groceries. You are not a cog in the machine.

find your identity

love your identity

boom

2010-11-12T11:40:00.001-08:00

i throw my hands up in the air

sometimes

What if

2010-11-11T05:10:00.000-08:00

What would happen if our society didn't value the Gods and Goddesses known as athletes?

How would we spend all those extra millions upon millions of hours? Where would that money be spent?

But even I really really like basketball. We're just selfish creatures.

Walter

2010-11-10T18:22:00.000-08:00

Walter library, I swear to God, is a church. The difference between the rooms on the second floor and a cathedral are small indeed.

Winning

2010-11-08T09:00:00.001-08:00

Somehow I'm winning against my cult studies blog. I suppose to keep up this means I need to post more ridiculous pictures/worthless ideas.

In other news, I read in the Daily some bit about a new piece of legislation that would give equal immigration rights to same-sex couples who are married.

Aside from this making me feel all happy, then sad, then happy, it usually makes me wonder which Republicans will support this. Which won't. What will they say. How will they find a new way to hurt us, over and over and over and over......

BTW, if you can, stop in at the Q. We've got some new painting on the wall.

CAMELS

2010-11-04T13:21:00.001-07:00

omigod where are we?

beauty. serenity. Loss. /////missu

2010-11-04T07:15:00.000-07:00

O rly Walker?

2010-11-03T15:43:00.000-07:00

A quote, from Republican governor elect in WI:

“Tonight I want to tell every worker, family and business that you have an ally in the governor’s office."

lol. rite.

Good Evening.

2010-11-03T13:50:00.003-07:00

Hello.

So you say you like the Republican's economic policies, but you prefer the Democratic social policies? You voted for the Republican's because of their economic stance.

Aside from neither of us being economists, I really doubt you have serious concerns about the state of the economy. I barely understand what the economy really is. But what I do know, is thos:

Economic issues are social issues.

Yes, I know. This might be breaking news for you. That's okay.

There are important politics involved with money, and it doesn't boil down to just spending and saving. You really need to understand that. It is NOT as simple as Republicans don't spend and Democrats do. Bush threw that idea out the window, clearly. Reagan had no problem going against it either.

If all you care about is how much you pay in taxes, you probably shouldn't be voting.

Republican economic policies have dangerous consequences. And that's a social issue.

You want examples? Okay.

Money towards abstinence-only education.

Money towards harmful religious organizations.

Bloated amounts spent on absurd issues. Like. War.

Money NOT being spent on HIV-AIDS education.

Money NOT being spent on womans issues.

Money NOT being spent on education.

The list goes on. It really does.

So, again, can you please tell me why you voted for a bigot? Because they're good at "saving" money?

Ok.

Good Evening.

2010-11-03T13:50:00.001-07:00

The rest of this week

2010-11-03T07:10:00.000-07:00

I'm going to be writing. A lot. And studying. And doing absurd amounts of science. And working a little. And doing stipend reviews. Every single minute of life until Friday at 3:30 is planned out.

And after it's done, I get to shove it all off and run to Wisconsin.

The hardest part is remembering to breathe.

Promises

2010-11-02T18:56:00.001-07:00

Take my word on this one.

She's going to look into your eyes every single day of your life. And she still won't know how much she has.

What is this!

2010-11-02T18:38:00.000-07:00

Guess what this is!

mreh?

2010-10-31T22:46:00.001-07:00

"I'm wicked through and through, Fiyero"

Death Panels

2010-10-30T11:45:00.001-07:00

"You want to see a real death panel, go to a private insurance company, and hear about the people who were denied coverage. And they died. That's a real death panel."

They're here. They're real. Demolish the bureaucratic rejection of health care that happens so CEOs can get a few more bucks. Health. Care. Love.

Royale

2010-10-29T19:14:00.000-07:00

I will be blogging too much tonight.

There is a couple in here. He is in an upholstered chair. His hair is cut very short--probably by himself. His earphones are large, silver, foreign. He looks foreign.

She sits at the table next to him. Both have their hands up to their heads.

Stress.

She asks him questions.

When does the Rec open tomorrow?

When should we wake up?

He is irritated.

He laughs, removes his earphones. Is jolly.

He tells a jokes.

She is irritated,

Bitterness

2010-10-25T18:21:00.001-07:00

My cultural studies blog is soon going to overcome my personal blog (in post count, not quality, of course. Oh, my ego!)

In other news, I've moved into my new place. I had the most interesting night last night. Or rather, the most terrifying. It probably has to do with my overactive imagination.

Note: the phrase "overactive imagination" to be attributed to sister. yayyy.

I went to bed with the lights off.

Woke up and noticed from underneath my door the hallway light on.

I definitely was not up in the night. I did not turn those on. At least, I didn't consciously.

So between me having a panic attack and reliving scenes from The Strangers in my head, texting my father, I was able to take my tennis racket and stalk through my apartment. Alas, no one was there.

The conclusion: I sleepwalk? Not so much a conclusion, but perhaps just further evidence for the idea.

For the official information on sleepwalking: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleepwalking

It appears to have a genetic basis

Environmental factors: sleep deprivation, fever, and excessive tiredness

I do remember once my brother sleepwalking....

At any rate, perhaps just locking my bedroom door and being able to get more sleep will remedy this. Being in the new place aids in both of those.

At the risk of writing too much, I'm going to retire for now.

oh!

2010-10-12T04:39:00.000-07:00

Oh!

You're an artist, huh?

This is the explanation you give when I ask what you do? You see, I didn't ask what you are. I manage a swim education program but I don' think I'm a manager. And that not just because my title doesn't manager anymore than your title says artist,

which it doesn't.

So you're an artist?

How wonderful. I see now that this is the mantle you've given yourself to explain away these senseless projects that, seemingly, have no aim but that is the aim.

You're an artist?

Oh, that must be why you can go into a BFA program and just barely be able to graduate because you were able to pull out a C in Astronomy 1001. Is that really it? Or is it because you can't handle quantitative analysis outside of knowing that if you put one cup of flour with one cup of sugar, that should give you two cups of substance. But, for some reason, we don't expect our artists to know how to do calculus. We don't expect them to understand the relation of rates or what it means to integrate a function.

What did you say? You're an artist?

Right. You gave yourself this title. And you put up absurd photos of yourself looking meaningful, and deep in thought. You've been jilted by the world yet somehow you're still able to look at it with a positive, introspective outlook that produces a medium that will simultaneously transcend our normal concepts of time and space in order to give nods of approval to your wasteful product.

You are not an artist.

Unless you and your work make laugh me laugh, scream, cry, or gasp, you are not an artist.

Sad :(

2010-10-11T19:50:00.000-07:00

PZ Myers posted this earlier today. And he really hit the nail on the head.

The son of a loud and "proud homophobe" has come out of the closet.

The diversity of our world creates clashes with such strong dynamics. We can observe the tides of the Tea Party come clashing against equality, in such instances as trying to keep homosexuality illegal (and enforcing such laws, presumably). But we can also see the emotional dynamic that is going to be struck between father and son here.

You don't have to be queer to know or to be able to empathize with either of these people.

Of course, that being said, this guy's dad is a complete douchebag.

In other news, SASSY GAY FRIEND has released an "It Gets Better" video.

It gets better. It really does.

german

2010-10-10T21:29:00.000-07:00

Reading german makes my brain said ignorant things. Like

-Why can't everyone just speak English?

-Why doesn't this person have the decency to write in English?

-What is the need for different perspectives?

-Why do I care about gaining said perspectives?

-Why do I bother with this class?

But I know the answers to all those questions.

I hate Halloween

2010-10-10T12:37:00.000-07:00

"I hate Halloween. Every year I decline invitations to "hilarious" and ribald costume parties (that's right, I get invited to parties) because, well, I hate costume parties. I don't have the time, craftsmanship, or money to dedicate to a completely superfluous and extravagant ensemble I'm going to wear all of six hours and hopefully not throw up on it or have someone spill beer or jell-o shots down the back. "

- From WOOT

It's so true. I'll come to your parties. But I'm not spending time and money on a costume. I just don't care.

Unless there's something already in my closet, do not ask me to go as anything.

Facebook and Postsecret

2010-10-10T09:00:00.000-07:00

Normally, every Sunday I read the week's postsecrets. These always end up dealing with issues that we carry with our parents, our lovers, our pets, our plants, etc. It's been an ongoing art project for years. It allows a direct glance into the repressed, secret lives of many Americans (the source of most contributions).

A common theme is to see underneath one of the postsecrets a comment that reflects an email that was sent in, or a comment posted on the discussion boards. It's generally a phrase that directs feelings towards that secret through the telling of another. We see that there are shared experiences made every single week, and maybe our secret lives, the ones we've kept hidden because we were ashamed of them, because we thought that they were perhaps abnormal, are just as prevalent as the ones lead everyday.

In that vein, I've always taken one of the postsecrets and used the text on it as my facebook status for the day. I always choose one that resonates in me. It doesn't necessarily have to represent or get close to one of my secrets, in fact almost always it doesn't at all.

But I draw a line between things that are secrets and things I repress or don't talk about. But most people will see these things as secrets, naturally.

For example, there are often ones that discuss issues concerning sexuality and relations to parents. I tend to not indulge too much deep personal stuff on this site, because the "secret" I keep regarding the dynamics of attitudes between my parents and myself regarding my sexuality seems so unique and revealing, and I don't have the agency to reveal that. Part of it is because there are people outside of myself deeply entrenched. Part of it is that it's difficult to write about these topics. I want to be 100% sure that I get it right, that there is no misunderstanding that you'll take away from me when I describe, for example, the progression of acceptance my father took as I first worked on introducing my parents to my first boyfriend.

These things are difficult, but we are hesitant with them because we care about them. They

are our emotional "china". We keep them safe in our china cabinet, metaphorically, and would only allow the persons who crafted that china to play with them.

Discussion put aside, this is my secret for the week.

There is also one of those add-in comments I mentioned before:

I think for every strand of the web a shared secret creates between us all, it cuts one strand of the curtain that blinds us to each others' lives.

There's a certain aesthetic to it all. And for those reading this, I know I probably don't need to explain why this secret resonates with me.

But the comment is pure beauty.

The 7 Deadly Sins

2010-10-09T14:31:00.000-07:00

Most people know the words Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Envy, Sloth, Wrath, and Pride under the guise of the term "the 7 Deadly Sins". These are also known as the 7 Cardinal Sins.

You see, despite what EVERYONE says about all sin being equal, the Catholics have this enormous hierarchy of sin. And the cardinal sins? They're bad. They're real bad.

Granted, you can be FORGIVEN. But unlike the venial sins, when you commit a cardinal sin, you have to find perfect contrition. This is contrition based purely and solely on the love of God. Imperfect contrition would be for things like fear of hell, but that's sufficient for the small stuff.

But to be honest, not much small stuff ever seems to be able to fall under the definition of venial sin. Trust me, it can and always will be twisted into a mortal sin.

If you're depressed, you're committing a mortal sin, btw. Just by being biologically unable to sustain a positive and productive soul makes you guilty of SLOTH. Sorry!

I bring this up to introduce something that baffles me concerning the current state of the relationship of homosexuality with Christianity (in this context, specifically the Catholic Church, since I'm using the deadly sins).

The Catholic Church admits that a man can romantically and sexually (and etc.ally) love another man, but he really shouldn't. And they say that this does happen, but one should restrain themselves from the urges of the body.

Already they've fucked themselves over with semantics. We can love someone romantically, yet we ought to restrain our urges. How, exactly, does the Catholic church deem that same-sex romantic love is only on the level of lustful urges, while different-sex romantic love is pure?

Homosexuality is always grouped in with the sin of Lust. Homo's tramp around, making love to each other outside of marriage. Because, of course, they can't marry. Shit.

Nowhere in the bible, though, does it say we should treat gay people like shit. Or deny them financial and legal rights given to heterosexuals. Even your Jesus said that you should give to Caesar what is Caesar's. Jesus supported the separation of Church and State you dimwits. He recognized that we can't apply the rules of one religion to apply to everyone, but we can and SHOULD still live in harmony with everyone.

This is exampled from the story of the Good Samaritan. I don't know if you know much about Samaritans, but the story is special because Samaritan's weren't exactly high-ranking individuals in the eyes of most citizens. It's remarkable because a Gentile (non-Jew) was so gracious and kind to a follower of God.

Trust me, Jesus isn't cool with slavery. He wasn't cool with any ideas about suppressing Gentiles or Samaritans. And he's definitely not cool with any ideas about restricting the lives of homosexuals.

I realize this post could be read as me being a Christian. We can all laugh now.

But, in all seriousness, lay off. You can fight against these other sins, like wrath. That'd be a good one to start with. Please, leave my love alone.

But homosexuality is only one way for peoples to express their love, in so many different ways. You have restricted society, and you have forced the lesbians and the gays into lifestyles that have the potential to both be dangerous (you won't let them into the secure world of marriage, you've shunned them to the dance club) to themselves, and to be harmed by society. You have established a society that frowns on something we can't control. You have established attitudes against love.

-------------------------

I know this is mostly poor structured. I needed a rant. I ranted. I'm on lots of coffee. You're all splendid.

Just make sure to do something significant this year, and go to the polls and fight for equality for everyone. Fight against the hardening of class lines proposed by Republicans. Fight against the hateful, rascist policies pushed by the Tea Party. Fight against the rhetoric that might sound good but has no legitimate logical standing (refer to : Glenn Beck).

Imagine your perfect world. See the candidates. Who will bring us there? It's in your hands.

More sex stuff

2010-10-07T21:50:00.000-07:00

"Attorney General M. Jocelyn Elders said in an accompanying editorial: 'Every parent, teacher, clergy member and adult in our society must step up to the task of raising our children in a sexually healthy manner. Hiding from sexuality is not realistic when we know that humans are inherently sexual beings.' "

Read more: http://healthland.time.com/2010/10/07/5-little-known-truths-about-american-sex-lives/slideshow/5/#ixzz11jvkTRM2

STUDY

2010-10-07T05:07:00.000-07:00

New comprehensive study about peoples' sex lives are out. Here's a nice little quote. l. o. l.

"Same-sex activity also appears to be on the rise, or at least less taboo (rather than through face-to-face interviews, the new survey was carried out online, a method believed to encourage more open and honest responses). While only about 7% of men and women identified themselves as "other than heterosexual", far more said they had engaged in some form of sexual activity with a member of the same sex. Nearly 15% of women in their 30s, for example, reported having performed oral sex on another woman at least once in their lifetime, while 13% of men over 40 said they had done the same to another man and 50% of men aged 50-59 said they had received it."

BIOL2002H

2010-10-06T20:54:00.001-07:00

Well, I'm not sure why the H is there. Perhaps I should talk to RWright about this?

Honestly, I feel like I'm having a mirror reaction that one of my other friend's also had in a blog post.

BIOL2002 is more/less driving me nuts. I think it's probably driving me less nuts than it did her. I love doing the readings, and I love going to lab and doing the work for both of those.

I hate group work. Period. It is the bane of my existence.

But it makes me excited to get into a lab next semester.

Maybe this is why chem goes so smoothly?

Stress

2010-10-06T09:21:00.001-07:00

Okay.

I'm considering resigning from my post as facilitator. Maybe that will make my life easier?

I had a half-mental breakdown in the shower today. I'm about ready to explode into a rant against anyone. Here's to hoping I don't kill anyone today.

The timing of everything is honestly the worse ever. Couldn't I have been mugged in the summer! Argh!

About ready to have someone change my fb password, because fb won't let me deactivate for now. I just need the absolute positivity that my fb is (albeit temporarily) out of existence.

NVM, fb has finally let me deactivate. Goodbye, for now.

I have no shame in this. I have an email after all.

Hypocrisy

2010-10-03T13:25:00.000-07:00

Ranker has a list of the top 10 anti-gay politicians doing very gay things.

like being gay. or bi. There's a difference, but the difference doesn't really matter.

Are these fellows hypocrites? Victims? The worse of the worse?

Yes, no, and then some.

The thing is, you can have conservative views on economic issues and not support Republicans. Because the Republican Party, flat out, supports views on "traditional marriage and family". Who gets to decide what's traditional? Oh, the traditionalists. Who decides who the traditionalists are?

Furthermore, it's because of attitudes, views, and ideas that are purported by the Republican Party, and now the Tea Party, that GLBT citizens feel uncomfortable anywhere they go.

And it has gone so far that some of those GLBT citizens are so locked into this "traditionalist" culture that they entrench themselves even deeper to suppress their fellows.

I don't know how I feel about these guys. It always makes me feel sad, angry. Occasionally somewhat hopeful that maybe these sort of events will lend themselves to helping people understand that our sexuality is not an explicit choice.

I do know it's probably not fair to say that it's always the Republicans and Christian pastors who most vehemently oppose gay rights that end up being gay. It's a mostly likely piss-poor heuristic... but maybe not. Maybe Freud's idea of a reaction formation holds some creedence.

In the end, I remind myself that when I take my perspective on GLBT rights, it's never on an issue-by-issue, lets solve this problem, basis. We need to look at our world, and then think of a future world. One where every citizen can walk down the street holding the hand of whom they love without fear. Where every couple gets the same rights and liberties. Where no one feels afraid to be who they are.

And after you take that perspective, then you go to the issues. How can the treatment of this problem lead us to that world. I'm positive there are no solutions, only stepping stones. And this, solving the fact that the outing of Republicans politicians is a huge media flurry, with insults and fingers pointing, this can be a stepping stone.

A better world would allow them escape from the scrutiny of everyone, counseling to deal with their issues, and a comfortable and safe environment for them to just be who they are. I might not believe in Jesus, but I do believe in forgiveness.

2010-10-02T13:17:00.001-07:00

none of my text is showing up on the following posts...

i'll try to fix this later.

new-ness

2010-10-02T13:16:00.000-07:00

MUGGED

hahaha.

There are about 5 different things my mind keeps thinking about after this incident. Why did this happen (personal responsibility?...). What do I do next? Will this hurt my grades in the short term as I get back up? How can I avoid reliving it in my head for now?

etc.

I think ultimately it ended up being a little inspiring. There's always something in life that will help you up. At least for me there is, obviously. I was extremely shaken up about it earlier, but not quite so much now.
I'm going to have a conversation with my landlord tonight. That'll be good.

And I've lost myself in biology. Always a good strategy. But for now, I must shower. Must try and wash away the sweat from the sprint, and try to scrub away this seeming loss of dignity, as if there'll be some underneath the rust of what was there. And as always, more coffee. More silence. Feel-good meals. Faces of people I love and care about, and hearing the voices of people I love and care about. The experience of this positivity today greatly outweighs the mishap that happened last night, so, to refer to Wicked, good has been made. After all, there is an orchestra concert tonight. How wonderfully cathartic, to sit back and allows the melodies and masteries of Brahms to pull at my heartstrings.

And to think, that last night before I made my fateful journey home, as I was with friends, all I could think was how that night was just pure awesome.

There's way too much roller-coasting going on right now.

But, there's Brahms tonight! All is well.

new-ness

2010-10-02T13:14:00.000-07:00

MUGGED

hahaha.

etc.

And to think, that last night before I made my fateful journey home, as I was with friends, all I could think was how that night was just pure awesome.

There's way too much roller-coasting going on right now.

But, there's Brahms tonight! All is well.

German

2010-09-27T18:31:00.001-07:00

Hey,

You. Yeah. You. German Book.

BY THE WAY, I'm not FLUENT in german. I speak English, okay. So unless you're going to print yourself in my tongue, gtfo

Maturity

2010-09-27T18:19:00.000-07:00

I'm almost positive most people take me too seriously most of the time.

Also, my audience for this blog is now totally ambiguous, amongst those who I know and don't. For your presence, I apologize.

Would you fire someone who didn't use determinants or articles. Read the last two sentences as such:

Also, my audience for blog is now totally ambiguous, amongst who I know and don't. For your presence, I apologize.

It's like subtle, but excruciating at the same time.

Change

2010-09-26T14:55:00.000-07:00

Time is best described as change.

Today, as I biked over the Washington Ave bridge over to West Bank, something totally startled me.

The wreckage from the I-35 bridge was gone. Gone. All that was left were imprints in the dirt and dead grass.

I don't know if this just happened, or how long ago. But wow. Completely changed my experience. Completely.

Parting

2010-09-25T10:51:00.001-07:00

Theres nothing I love more than a private lesson with the child I have today. She's exciting, funny, youthful, joyous, and so so talented. Not only naturally talented, but awesome at quick adaptation, correction, and the pursuit of perfection. And still totally laid back.

It's not just validation for my teaching methods. It's the strengthening of my faith that there are still young mind's that interrogate, question, and criticize everything they come across - my faith that these are the minds that will shape tomorrow.

And my luck to be in such close contact with one.

Miss T, you are the best.

The Past Returns

2010-09-25T10:35:00.000-07:00

I can always sort of feel it when the crazy is starting to creep up.

It's easily sterilized with homework or showering. Or coffee + classical music. Or socializing.

In other news

Sodern

Oder

Denn

Aber

Und

SODAUND

it's all in the name of love, schnitzel, and beer.

To the news media:

2010-09-24T09:45:00.000-07:00

Stop referring to Tea Baggers as being "libertarian-leaning". They aren't.

Libertarians fight for social freedom, alongside total economic freedom. (freedom with "quotes", of course).

Tea Baggers are just as conservative as any else--actually more conservative, since they want to basically throw conservative guidelines and laws out the window while limiting the rights of the LGBT community, women, and immigrants. They permit "social freedom" so long as it falls within their ideas of what society ought to be. That's like trying to fit a racoon down your toilet. There's no wiggle room, and it's going to smell like shit.

Screw that noise.

Herm...

2010-09-22T07:47:00.000-07:00

Interested In: Time With You

Looking For: Freedom from Religion

Current City: Sin

Relationship Status: 2 pots coffee/morning

Political Views: 2 Parts Butter 1 Part Cream

Sex: On Fire

Webster is not I

2010-09-19T17:05:00.001-07:00

i do know how to spell

albeit only nominally. i promise

i do know how to spell

Reciprocation

2010-09-19T16:59:00.000-07:00

Reciprocation hangs on my shoulders jilted

uncaring.

I slept 10 hours but I've never been more tired

yet

you think the world will stay unstructured with

you

and the way you hold your drink high

but

not

on the floor unless you forgot hat

was standing right next to you, to you

grass

stains my shirt my shortsbut only

feralittlewhile..

Equivocation whispered itself out the window

lastfallsummer

in the tall buildings that reflect only monsters

sameness

dangerous

you reflect only what we know

worry

that the future won't be a reflection

worry

that the future won't be a painting

worry

that you're future won't be

worry

that we move on without.

you.

Summation

2010-09-18T10:34:00.001-07:00

all is all it should be

In summation

2010-09-18T10:27:00.001-07:00

What was missing last year were the quiet calming weekends. With the scent of the morning's breakfast hanging in the air, supersatured. I'm worried if I move too much there will be bacon all over the floor.

The house is cool, yet warm. I'm at ease, and the asymmetric beams of light juxtapose my room infinitely--an abstract concept framing my concrete construction of a space.

My coffee slips past lips to roll on my tongue, climbing me higher to ultimately enjoy what I missed last year. Last year, with the cold blank dorm room that smelled like early maturity and felt like temporary and mandatory inclusion in society. This year holds only love for everything and the eternal exhaustion of youth. Exhaustion from opportunity and potential.

You can tell the differnce biologically. Never in my dorm room with I breathe in deep and let out a sigh of content, or relaxation. For 9 months I missed that transaction, but today, it's reflected in my consciousness, feeling itself like a child bundled up by the fire with grandma's old down blanket during Christmas Eve. Content with the world, content with life, content with the future and no lingering on the past.

Needs

2010-09-18T10:21:00.000-07:00

The need to be normal is in conflict with the need to be oneself. To know your Self, and to live with it. There are debates over changing our Self. Sometimes I wonder whether my Self really only exists in my person. Sometimes I reflect on horcruxes, the dark and primitive way of breaking one's souls into pieces and storing them elsewhere. This permits us to almost life forever. Will i live forever?

The time and space that I modify become part of who I am.

And is there really a way to change the Self? Or is this something that is more subtle? That if we're changing who we are, then it's really just our Self acting as it does? That we don't change who are explicitly, just morph into new ideas? Are we discrete?

Quote from a Cultural Studies TA

2010-09-12T08:25:00.001-07:00

"it's common sense that is one of the most dangerous things in culture"

And that's probably totally true. Off the top of my head I came up with being straight and believing in God. ... naturally.

I like this. Considering what our culture to consider common sense, and trying to understand why it is.

A quote, and a new official follower

2010-09-11T11:46:00.001-07:00

Everyone check out Dan. His page is only a little fabulous, but he's our new official follower! yayy!!

Now--cultural studies. I've been skeptical of the arts and humanities for a while, but cultural studies is sort of allowing me to understand it's place, and how it's fundamental.

Well, maybe not even so much fundamental in the sense that we have to have it. We don't have to have science. And not even in the sense that I think we absolutely should have studies in it (though i do think we should). But the arts and humanities, in an academic setting, are really just an elevated version of a large majority of the cultures of the world. And culture, in the same sense, isn't fundamental or mandatory, it happens whether you like it or not. It is not a thing, but rather a comprehensive description of a people.

At any rate: Here's a quote of a quote from a recent packet.

The individual absorbs language before he can think for himself: indeed the absorption of language is the very condition of being able to think for himself. The individual can reject particular knowledges that society explicitly teaches him, he can throw off particular beliefs that society forcibly imposes upon him--but he has always already accepted the words and meanings through which such knowledges and beliefs were communicated to him. ... They lie within him like an undigested piece of society. (Harland 1987: 12-13)

A little background, you ask? Fine.

One of the big founders of cultural studies, though he probably didn't realize it, was Saussure. He did a lot of work with language, with, specifically, semiotics. Which is, in a nutshell, the study of symbols. Looking at the signifier, and then what's signified.

A part of his theory states that in language there is the langue, which is the entire set of possible combinations, the full repetoire, of all things that can be thought and said. Outside of that is the parole, which refers to the specific usage.

What follows it that languages are not all encompassing for all ways of thinking, and that our language sets us down. Think of the word man. There is what it signifies, but there is also what it doesn't signify. Not woman. Not boy. Not emotional. Not sensitive.

And perhaps, our culture is embedded in our language. We cannot separate ourselves from our language, because we shape it continuously. We can try to tie it down with a dictionary, but that really ends up only being a sort of guidebook. You can get theorists who say this word means this, and that's that. Fuck it. Listen, if people start using a word to mean something other than it detonated meaning, then they've shaped language. They've made it representative of what we think and how we use symbols to express those thoughts. Yeah, you can say "man" means either humanity, or person with male genitalia, but it's always going to carry connotations. Language=plastic.

At any rate, what I loved about that quote was that last bit. "They lie within him like an undigested piece of society".

It's no big secret that I've shucked off and rejected plenty of norms and expected beliefs within American and Christian culture. But those things will always, inevitably, sit within me for as long as I experience my form of reality, and they will always shape my experience.

Food for thought.

That is all.

Unknown Followers and Extracurricular Activities

2010-09-09T07:12:00.000-07:00

I've been led to believe I have more creepers than I know about. You like reading about poop? My emo streams of consciousness? My random, misguided thoughts? Identify yourself!

In other news, Scooter decided last night it'd be fun to go get some free Korean food. "Korean bbq in front of coffman!" he promised everyone in a text. Remember that saying, goes something like...

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Or free Korean bbq, to continue the colloquialism.

Should have known, really, that something was up when we got to Coffman, and there wasn't any food in front of Coffman. Or when the questionairre the folks handed out at the event finished with a question asking:

"Are you interested in visiting a new church?"

We thought the food would be in the theater. The food was not in the theater. There were instruments in the theater. There were crosses on the handouts. There were advertisements about a bible study.

But, despite whatever program they had in store for us, as Scooter kept reminding me

There's free Korean bbq at the end.

Now, I'd like to defend Scooter and say he wasn't keeping me there because he loves the Jesus, but because he apparantly loves free food enough to sit through 2 hours of mind-numbing proselytizing.

The music was awful. The video was well produced, and alongside with the skit, were well enough acted and pretty humorous. The sermon was awful, and I'm not even sure the guy understood what he was actually saying. At the end, he mentioned this:

"I understand that probably about half of you aren't Christians. That's okay. I understand that you came here for the same reason I first came to an Acts2fellowship Welcome Day--the free food. And that's okay. We appreciate you being here. But if you are a non-Christian, I have a small challenge for you. Just try out Christianity for 6 months."

6 months?! 6 months?! You gotta be fuckin' kidding me. I did Christianity for 15 years people. And I just sat through 2 hours of your bullshit. Another 6 months would not be any small thing.

To top it off, the singer couldn't even sing in the right key for that typical Switchfoot song. ("hey, i like this song!"-scooter).

In the end, the korean steak was cold, but delicious, and kind of fatty, which other people don't like? I love fatty steak. I also love heart attacks. Correlation is causation! what?!

The lesson: when dealing with something intolerable like this, just do what I do, and view it through the lense of needed to make an analysis for your cultural studies class. It won't make it any more enjoyable, but you'll trick yourself into thinking it's okay to be there.

The real lesson: don't trust scooter. (sorry!)

School is For Fools

2010-09-07T07:10:00.000-07:00

I feel like a commuter student now. I think it's more of a halfway step. But I've packed my backpack stock full of shit. Literally. Mostly just enough food for the entire day, and my super lame queer studies book--right, in case I get bored between classes. Because I just can't just hop on over to my dorms.

But maybe it'll be nicer tomorrow, and I'll be able to go and fix my bike tire at the hippie/hipster/deodorant-is-for-cancer-loving-sheep Hub. I adore going there. They smell like anarchy and they look like smug. But it's cheap, so, I guess that's cool. I can handle their superiority for 5 minutes.

In other news, my German professor is balls to the wall really awesome, as in, probably going to be a high class teacher. I always feel a little better studying for professors who seem to care, which seems like a misplaced attribution--you'd think someone would study for the classes they ought to care about. But I love adorable old women who are really passionate. So.... we'll see. Plus my CSCL syllabus was in COMIC SANS, so that class automatically went down a few notches on my priority scale. If you'd care, you wouldn't put my syllabus in an unreadable font. kthxplzgobai.

Currently in Coffman watching Ellen. Reminds me of home. Back in WI Ellen was televised in the afternoon--maybe they were worried that old lesbian might say something awful and lesbian-ish, and they would have time to edit her. Right now she's wearing vampire teeth, so Tarini, I know you like vampires, but what about lesbian vampires?

I need to leave soon for CSCL. I'm having such a liberal arts day.

How to Give Away Free Shit: A Review on Cereal

2010-09-05T08:33:00.001-07:00

I like cereal. A lot. Or at least, I used to like it a lot more than I did before. Before, as in before college. Also as in before Thursday morning.

I went with some friends to the "Target Run" on Wednesday night. This is something that is included in Welcome Week--after all the freshman have moved in, they charter buses to brings hoards of freshman to the Quarry Target.

Yes, you heard me correctly. Hoards of freshman.

I ought to clarify. I didn't like freshman when I was one. I'm a usually bitter person, and I most definitely complain far too much, and saying I didn't like freshman when I was one is a pretty pompous thing to say. It's just the truth people. I do get happy, and I do like having a good time, but I'm not really one for happy masses.

But, for some reason, I figured it wouldn't be an issue to tag along this year. So we went first to the Middlebrook line. We waited quite a bit. At some point one of the Middlebrook freshman (we presumed it to be a BFA) stood up on a raised platform and shouted:

Attention, everyone.. Attention. I have something to say. Hey! I just wanted. I just wanted to let everyone, that, yes, I lost the game. I LOST THE GAME!!!

I love freshman. And I love the game........

The line was taking too long. We received a tip from someone that the line in front of Coffman (for the folks living at Comstock) was shorter and had a better turnover rate. So we jaunted on over. And we cut in line, and we were one of the first groups of people on the bus.

Cue corporate psychology.... now

There were some students acting in as Target reps, both on the bus and at the tailgating party Target set up in their parking lot. They were upbeat, random, and very interactive. This is the nature of giving away free shit. There are only a few reasons why we give away free shit, and here are some

We don't need this shit anymore.
We're looking for some shit in return... later on.
I'm trying to feel good about myself for giving away this free shit.

Target managed to nail all of those.

It's not really a hidden idea that they give away lots of free stuff because they know that this gets you honed in on their store. They establish a loop of positive reinforcement and condition you, essentially, to shop at their store. All it takes is for you to show that you're excited to be there, whether you are or not. Because they'll only give away free stuff to people who look like they're having fun. So, lets take a quick gander at this short-hand

Look happy-->Recieve free shit from Target-->be happy about Target-->Target is happy at you-->party time

This is genuis marketing for two reasons:

There is an idea in psychology called facial feedback response. I'll run through it with you. Take a pen, or pencil. While taking it and making it's ends point to your left and right, bite the pencil. Now take it, point it away from you, and bite it.

What happens is while biting a horizontal pencil, subjects have been asked to look at cartoon strips and rate their humour. Subjects biting an "away" pencil where asked to do the same. Those who bit the horizontal pencil rated the cartoon strips with a higher humour rating than those with the "away" pencil. Why?

Psychologists theorize that the answer lies in the way our muscles are contracted. Do it again, and note how your face feels:

horizontal pencil: smiling.

away pencil: droopy face.

The idea is that if we smile, if we make ourselves appear happy, then perhaps we can trick ourselves, subconsciously, to actually be happy. Target has asked us to appear friendly and excited and outgoing, because only then will we get free shit. They do this because they understand the facial feedback loop.

2. This also works because of how people shop. We know that people tend to be creatures of habit--growing up your family probably shopped at the same grocery store. The reason for this, once again, probably lends itself to conditioning. But the fact is, when we go somewhere, and we see that it works for us, we'll keep going there.

And thus Target locks you in.

Returning to the 3 reasons...

We don't need this shit anymore.
We're looking for some shit in return... later on.
I'm trying to feel good about myself for giving away this free shit.

We've already touched on 3. We love getting free stuff, and we love Target for giving away free stuff. We're happy. They look like nice guys.

Reason 2 we also touched on. Target has a party to psychologically hone us in on using their store for our shopping.

Reason 1 is why this review will end with a review on cereal.

We all know that sometimes, free stuff is crappy stuff. It's shit. And everything Target gave away wasn't shit. I'm sure those tampons work fine, and the hand sanitizer, I'm positive, does it's job alright. I'm sure the detergent my friends receive will work fine.

But my cereal, that Target gave me, tastes like poop.

I'm super serious here guys. They gave me some of that Archer Foods cereal hippie crap. It didn't have a cohesive structure or texture. The chocolate tasted like someone took a dump on the sidewalk, let it harden, and then cut it up into tiny cute rectangles. The cherry-flavored yogurt bits tasted like crotch cheese. It was extraordinarily crumbly, and the design of box top was inferior--even to the bagged cereal I purchase from Rainbow.

So, you're probably wondering if I did all this lead up so I could have one small paragraph rant against the shitty cereal, I got for free nevertheless. Whatever, maybe I did! The only last thing I have to say, in that regards, is that for Target, giving away free shitty cereal is probably a bad idea when everything else you gave away was totally legit.

In that respect, I'm still not going to shop at Target. Part of it is I've already established myself mostly at Rainbow. It reminds me of home, I like the prices, and their produce surpasses that of Cub and Target. That, and Target doesn't like homos, and they're really willing to try and make it up. So, screw that.

Progress

2010-09-04T09:23:00.000-07:00

Theres a town south of where I came from. It's called Prentice.

I don't know much about the place. They're really small. Even smaller than my city. And they're always really good at sports.

yeah sports.

Anyways, every August they have "Prentice Progress Days". I think it has something to do with their town's anniversary or something like that. I've never gone.

But I think it's hilarious that a conservative politician that I'm friends with on facebook mentioned she's going there. So, to Pam Galloway, I say this:

For someone who opposes gay marriage, women's rights, and the advancement of science and the human condition, do you go to the Progress Days to protest? Because I don't get it.

---

2010-09-02T07:09:00.001-07:00

just keep sleeping. it's perfect, i swear.

hello fellows

2010-09-01T19:07:00.000-07:00

Dear person parked, alone, outside my house,

You terrify the shit out of me. You had been sitting there for quite some time. And you chose to drive away as I was walking outside to the back door to do my laundry.

Please stop being so god damned creepy.

Thanks,

Flowwwwwing

2010-08-21T22:06:00.001-07:00

You got a cross tattooed on your back. . . . . . . lol.
Does literacy enable better. Not better. Perhaps.... more enriched consciousness? Is literacy even important. What is important? Is the rise of science and technology, as it coincides with capitalism, worth the betterment of our health as it seemingly also contributes to the detriment of certain aspects of our humanity. Equality for the races rose while it seems ignorance is on an all-time rise with the amplification of fanatic Christian politicians and the Tea Party.
Boxed Wine is about 12 dollars. And is usually at a volume of 5 liters. Note.
Paraffin necklace. Gregory Maguire. What is wrong with you?
At first the paleness of my skin gave me away like the tiger in the lions den. But the more time I spent in the harsh sun the thicker and darker my skin became. But I realized that my externalities didn't matter so much. At first you are not scared of the night, but you are scared of what the night is composed of. Of the mystery, the ambiguiuty, but more importantly, the figures who show no fear under the blanket of shade that hasn't an end at the horizon. And once you realize that you too can become the night, then fear subsists itself it to confidence, strength, individuality.
"People always did like to talk like that, didn't they? That's why I call myself a with now: the Wicked Witch of the West, if you want the full glory of it. As long as people are going to call you a lunatic anyway, why not get the full benefit of it? It liberates you from convention."
A few seconds ago someone told me they will beat the fuck out of me. If it wasn't for such colorful language I might actually get bored with my life. Oh, for sarcasm.
And, to be honest, now I'm just talking my head off elsewhere. night!

waz on brb. still am?

2010-08-19T05:53:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think about creation. Or the economy. Or faith-based agnosticism. And then I do other things.

Sometimes I drink tea

or i read my biology

rules are for losers

Gay Characters

2010-08-11T18:08:00.002-07:00

There ought to be more movies with badass gay men who shoot shit and punch faces.

I say more because these movies exist. But they're not remembered for their gay characters. They're remembered for the significance of their actions.

What an idea.

Post 100

2010-08-11T18:08:00.001-07:00

"achoo"
"God bless you"
"I'm atheist"
"Fuck off"

Failure

2010-07-31T23:09:00.000-07:00

I remember, perhaps incorrectly, reading this bit from Ralph Waldo Emerson, where he discussed waking up each day and treating it with complete vigor and complete lack of memory for the yester day.

Sometimes I want to take what I know objectively and hold onto only that. I want to be able to consistently wipe that which is subjective. But when I start to think about what I know, the line between the two starts to blur.

Psychology talks about how individuals will repress memories to forget them, so that they can continue life without the knowledge of that terrifying or life-ruining event. But it seems like I can't forget, even if I want to.

So that's my emo post for the week. Also, this counts as Saturday, so that way if I get in a funky mood during the work week I can still splurge.

Jesus Christ!

2010-07-29T21:37:00.000-07:00

Jesus was....

Well, Jesus was a lot of things. From the time I've spent in my lifetime being a Christian, being an agnostic, being an atheist, reading the Bible, witnessing to friends, and interacting with other Christians, perhaps it doesn't matter so much what Jesus was compared to what he stands for today. In much the same way our Founding Fathers drafted a shell of a binding document we now call our Constitution, today the purpose of that document lies not in the words but rather in the interpretations that we think we can glean. [quick props to a friend who cognized this thought long before I did. the whole, science in a vacuum thing....]

What we have about Jesus is, to tell the truth, seemingly minimal. We have four "gospels". Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John [look, I remembered the order!]. These were written by a sort of grab-bag of men for entire varieties of audiences, and it reflects both in the type of stories told as well as the style of writing present. From what I remember, Matthew brought legitimacy to Christ. Mark was more of a story teller. And John dipped into more philosophical stuff (if you want to think about predestiny and free will, and you believe in the Jesus, look here).

These gospels were written years after Jesus lived. Today, we can probably still piece together, rather finely, the life of someone who just died ten years ago. We can even do a damn good job for 100 years ago. But if you look at accounts of our Founding Fathers... discrepancies arise. While our methods today probably can't be exactly relatable to the biographical techniques of biblical times, we can probably assume that most of it was arisen either from memory, or story telling (which also roots from memory).

It does not take a PhD. in psychology to tell you that our memories are discrete, plastic things that aren't to be trusted. Can we trust the details? Probably not? Can we trust these guys when they say Jesus was Christ? Probably not. But, like all accounts, these gospels do have congruencies. You expect this sort of phenomenon when you go to a trial. The witnesses will all probably have the story correct, but the details are fuzzy. The glove might not fit, but he killed that bastard.

And in Jesus' time, there existed a group of fellows known as the Pharisees. I'm positive the gospels don't give these guys ANY good press. Seriously. These guys were assholes. Dickbags. Douchebags. Crotch mouths.

They were hypocrites. They were, essentially, capitalists. They ran business in the synagogue (a big no-no, by the way), and took advantage of the people. They spouted the Law of Moses as their authority, and it worked. And Jesus came around, and he showed these mo-fo's how they brought disgrace to the Law, because they didn't understand it, and they didn't follow it.

Let's bring in a quote:

"Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and of the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. You blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup, so that the outside may become clean"

-Jesus, son of Joseph. Matthew 23.23

(For more Pharisee slamming by Jesus, see the entire Chapter 23 in Matthew up through verse 36.)

Jesus was a cynic and he really, really despised these ass-faces.

If Jesus was around today, I don't even have to think too hardly about his reaction to modern society. Aside from the fact that he would probably not look too kindly on my paganistic rituals, he would definitely go and kick some serious Christian ass. How embarrassed would Jesus be to show up today and see that his followers had basically become Pharisees.

Even more so, because at least Moses wrote his law down himself. That, and most Christians today love quoting the Apostle Paul, probably the ringleader of dickbags in all history.

Today's Christians tend to follow the same path as the Pharisees. They have the holy text, and they can only interpret it to fit into their shallow definition of reality, and so that they can reconcile their worldview. Most refuse to try and separate themselves from the equation.

Jesus would laugh at their faces would taking holy what Paul wrote in all those god-damned letters.

He would bust into all the evangelical, rich as all get-up, churches, and not just overthrow the tables. He would set C4 to the electronics. He would burn the pews. He would set rats upon the lush carpets and drapes. He would throw molotov cocktails into the rec rooms. He would take their music and tear it to shreds.

I know I don't need to cite these things for you guys. We all have seen the rich evangelicals. The pompous church leaders. The MEGACHURCHES. Trust me, if Jesus even heard the word "megachurch", he would cut a bitch. I'm a skeptic, and most likely best defined as an agnostic. I love science, and I love logic. I know I'm not the best with either, but my hunger for it yearns. I want to try to keep myself open to new worldviews and new criticisms.

And I'm almost positive I know Jesus Christ better than most Christians.

And sure I as hell hope that the money you've spent not only to support Christian politics that hamper social liberties, but as well as the money you've spent on Jesus highlighters and Christ underwear will help you get into that place you call Heaven. Because your religion sure as hell isn't going to.

Doh!

2010-07-29T06:54:00.000-07:00

As told to A.H., I have a treatise to be writing up on the Philistines and modern-day religion. Maybe I'll actually put some.. what is it... work into it? I'll give your brains a break and try to make something that isn't so stylistically chunky, sweaty, and awkward. Like your fat neighbor.

In other news, we have another follower (yay! 10!). Another "official" follower. And barely at that, it's a double add. So it's an official quasi-follower, which is still a first (and therefore news!), in my book.